Key takeaways for caregivers

Supportive reactions to children’s negative emotions include helping them deal with their problems, using strategies like comforting or distracting to help them feel better, and encouraging them to express their negative emotions.
Non-supportive reactions to children’s negative emotions include using verbal or physical punishment to reduce their negative emotional expression, thinking little of their problems or painful reactions, and becoming distressed when faced with their negative emotions.
Our research with Chinese families indicates that both mothers’ and fathers’ supportive reactions to their four- to six-year-olds’ negative emotions predict aspects of the children’s adjustment, though in different ways.
Inhibitory control is the ability to restrain inappropriate behaviors and responses. Children with lower levels of inhibitory control have more difficulty regulating their behaviors and emotions. For those children, the positive effects of parents’ supportive reactions to children’s negative emotions were more pronounced.
Chinese fathers’ supportive reactions to their four- to six-year-olds’ negative emotions predicted fewer externalizing problems (e.g., hyperactivity, inattention, conduct problems) six months later, but only for children who had more difficulty with self-control.
Chinese mothers’ supportive reactions predicted more prosocial behaviors (e.g., sharing, helping, showing empathy), but only for children with low levels of inhibitory control. In contrast, Chinese fathers’ supportive reactions predicted more prosocial behaviors for children across levels of inhibitory control abilities.

Imagine a parent preparing for their five-year-old’s birthday party. The balloons are up, the cupcakes are ready, and friends are singing Happy Birthday! But instead of smiling, the child bursts into tears – overwhelmed by the attention and noise. The parent may feel frustrated and confused by this reaction to the fun celebration they planned.

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Moments like these – small, emotional crossroads – happen regularly in parenting. Whether a meltdown over a lost toy, a burst of frustration when a puzzle piece does not fit properly, or a quiet withdrawal during a noisy event, these behaviors are common, daily opportunities for caregivers to guide their children’s emotional growth.

The importance of caregivers’ reactions to children’s negative emotions: Factors to consider

Caregivers’ reactions can leave lasting impressions, especially when a child is upset, frustrated, or overwhelmed. They influence how children learn to manage and regulate their own emotions, relate to others, and handle future challenges. Reactions to children’s negative emotions might matter more than caregivers realize.

Supportive versus non-supportive reactions

Supportive reactions involve parents recognizing, validating, and constructively guiding children through their difficult emotions. For instance, think back to the birthday party scenario. When a child feels overwhelmed and bursts into tears, a supportive reaction might be kneeling down gently and offering comfort, saying, “Do you want to take a quiet moment with me?”

In contrast, non-supportive reactions typically involve dismissing or minimizing the child’s emotional expressions, or even punishing the child for their behavior. In the same scenario, a non-supportive response might be responding impatiently, “Come on, this is supposed to be fun!”

Caregivers’ reactions can leave lasting impressions, especially when a child is upset, frustrated, or overwhelmed.

Research – much of it conducted in Western countries – shows that supportive parental reactions to children’s negative emotions are linked to positive outcomes, such as better emotion regulation, fewer behavior problems, and stronger prosocial behaviors. In contrast, non-supportive reactions are generally associated with negative outcomes, including lower levels of social competence and more emotional and behavioral difficulties.

Findings from studies of Chinese families are more mixed: While supportive reactions predict better emotional regulation, the negative effects of non-supportive reactions, especially minimization, are less consistently observed, suggesting possible cultural differences.

Children’s temperament: Inhibitory control

Children have their own unique temperament – the typical way they respond to their surroundings. One important aspect of children’s temperament that is related to their self-regulation is inhibitory control, or children’s ability to restrain inappropriate behaviors and responses.

Inhibitory control develops gradually over time and with guidance. However, some children have a harder time with this aspect of temperament than others. They may act out more quickly, struggle to follow the rules, or have difficulty calming down after becoming upset.

Imagine a preschool classroom in which the teacher asks children to transition from playing to quietly listening to a story: Some children settle down quickly and calmly, while others continue to play, become restless, or find it difficult to remain seated. These behaviors reflect differences in children’s abilities to self-regulate.

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Children with stronger inhibitory control can manage their impulses more effectively, whereas children with lower levels of inhibitory control often find it harder to regulate their emotions and behaviors. This raises an important question for caregivers: Do parents’ supportive reactions matter more for children who naturally struggle with self-regulation?

Does a child’s ability to control impulses shape how caregivers’ responses to their negative emotions affect their behavior?

In a recent study, we examined to what extent Chinese mothers’ and fathers’ reactions to their young children’s negative emotions predicted children’s adjustment over time, and to what extent these effects depended on children’s inhibitory control. Mothers and fathers of 113 Chinese preschoolers (age range 45 to 73 months) recruited from three preschools in a small city in middle China completed two questionnaires six months apart. On average, both mothers and fathers were in their early 30s (age range 23 to 47 years), and they had an average of about 14.5 years of education. Annual household income varied between 10,000 yuan to 500,000 yuan (about $1,437 to $71,850).

Parents reported their reactions to their children’s negative emotions and their impressions of their children’s inhibitory control and adjustment. The questions about adjustment addressed children’s externalizing problems (hyperactivity-inattention, e.g., “easily distracted, concentration wanders,” and conduct problems, e.g., “often fights with other children or bullies them”), internalizing problems (emotional problems, e.g., “often unhappy, depressed or tearful” and peer problems, e.g., “picked on or bullied by other children”), and prosocial behaviors (cooperative and kind behaviors, e.g., “kind to younger children”).

Fathers’ supportive reactions predicted fewer externalizing problems, but only for children with more difficulty controlling their impulses

Mothers’ supportive reactions did not predict children’s externalizing problems, but for some children, fathers’ supportive reactions did. Traditionally, in Chinese families, fathers are seen as the main authority figures responsible for discipline, while mothers play a more nurturing and caregiving role. Supportive reactions from fathers may be particularly salient and influential when it comes to externalizing behaviors (e.g., hyperactivity, aggression, rule-breaking), which are often the focus of disciplinary efforts.

Fathers’ supportive reactions predicted externalizing behaviors for children with lower levels of inhibitory control. More specifically, the more likely fathers were to respond to these children’s emotional outbursts with empathy, patience, and guidance, the more likely these children were to show fewer externalizing problems six months later.

Parenting involves more than preventing problem behaviors; it is also about nurturing the emotional and social skills children need to thrive and flourish.

Supportive paternal reactions may help children manage their strong emotions before they escalate into problematic behaviors. In this way, fathers can serve as a supportive emotion socialization agent (i.e., someone whose interactions with children model, teach, or otherwise facilitate children’s understanding and management of emotions), particularly for children who need extra help with self-regulation.

Fathers’ supportive reactions predicted more prosocial behaviors in all children, while mothers’ supportive reactions predicted more prosocial behaviors only for children with low levels of inhibitory control

Parenting involves more than preventing problem behaviors; it is also about nurturing the emotional and social skills children need to thrive and flourish. In our study, one particularly meaningful outcome we examined was prosocial behaviors: actions like helping, sharing, cooperating, and showing empathy toward others. Parental warmth and coaching during emotionally challenging moments may provide children with a model for empathy and caring social interaction.

More supportive reactions from fathers predicted greater prosocial behavior for the children six months later. In other words, the more likely fathers were to respond with warmth, emotional validation, and constructive guidance during tough moments, the more likely their children were to be rated as thoughtful, considerate, and socially engaged. This was true regardless of the children’s inhibitory control abilities.

Maternal supportive reactions also predicted more prosocial behavior, but only for children who struggled more with inhibitory control – those who were impulsive, reactive, or easily frustrated. These children seemed to benefit most from this type of emotional coaching. For them, supportive responses from either parent might help them slow down, reflect, and engage with others more thoughtfully.

Parental reactions to children’s negative emotions did not predict children’s internalizing problems

While supportive parenting was clearly linked to children’s externalizing behaviors, we did not find a strong connection between parents’ reactions and children’s internalizing problems (e.g., anxiety, sadness, social withdrawal). One possible reason is that internalizing problems are much harder to detect, especially in young children.

Unlike external behaviors (e.g., aggression, defiance), internal struggles are often subtle. Young children may have a limited ability to recognize or express their own feelings of fear, worry, or sadness. As a result, even attentive parents may not always accurately perceive when their child is struggling internally.

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Our study relied on parent-report questionnaires, which are a valuable tool but have limitations – particularly in terms of detecting emotional difficulties that children may hide or not yet understand themselves. Researchers may benefit from combining parent reports with more objective measures, such as physiological indicators like levels of cortisol (a hormone related to stress) or measurements of nervous system activity, to better capture young children’s internal emotional experiences.

Parents’ non-supportive reactions did not predict children’s adjustment

Interestingly, we did not find strong evidence that non-supportive parental reactions – such as dismissing or minimizing children’s negative emotions, or punishing children’s for expressing such emotions – predicted children’s behavioral or emotional adjustment six months later. This may seem surprising, especially given earlier research from Western countries in which non-supportive reactions have often been linked to less optimal outcomes like higher levels of aggression, lower levels of social competence, and more internalizing problems.

One possible explanation is that the negative impact of non-supportive reactions may be less pronounced in Chinese cultural contexts. In our study, supportive and non-supportive reactions were related to each other only moderately, suggesting that a parent can be supportive in some moments and still react dismissively or punitively in others.

In many Chinese families, emotional restraint and minimizing emotional expressions are sometimes viewed as promoting resilience and self-discipline rather than as being neglectful or harmful. As a result, Chinese children may be more accustomed to these reactions and affected less negatively by them than are children in Western cultures.

Tips for parents to support a child during emotionally charged moments

When your child is navigating negative emotions, you can:

Name the emotion: “It looks like you’re feeling frustrated … That puzzle is very tricky, huh?”
Stay calm and grounded: Children mirror adults’ emotions. Your calmness gives them something to lean on.
Model coping strategies: “Let’s take a deep breath together. Sometimes that helps me when I’m upset.”
Validate, then guide: “It’s okay to feel angry. Let’s figure out what we can do instead of crying/yelling.”
Reconnect after the storm: Let your child know you are still there for them, even after a challenging moment.

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